norway forever?

noah and me spent a beautiful day. we went swimming deep under the black addered mountains. the water was black and warm and it felt great to stay there with him. i love talking to noah and love to kiss him and touch him and did all of it very often and intense.
when we came back to the house, sim called from germany and we had a nice talk. it's good to hear from him. i miss him.
the rest of the night noah and me went on lying on the sofa talking and this time it was really up to the bottom of our hearts. he's been honest and true and answered all my questions. it was hard to hear some facts that clear, but i guess i needed it to make sure i can start again trusting him. it still is difficult and i am so afraid that things might get wrong the next few days, weeks whenever, but i guess i need to trust me... him... us. he decided to stay here in norway with me and i was really surprised to hear that he didn't only plan to stay for a couple of days, but he's ready to stay here with me for weeks, months... years maybe. we talked about how life might go on with us both together... we both made out sort of a chance. he loves his job and i don't want him to quit, so he decided to take over the european business of his bank. that means he needs to traval a lot between some places. he won't be home every day the same time, sometimes even not the weekend... i hate things like this, but the other chance is going back to NY and right now, i will not return, not as long as i can avoid.
it's been an interesting time there, but i don't want to go on like this. i need to find back myself and to stand up for me. i lost some people along the way... yas is gone, i can't really say if we'll ever find a way back together. right now it doesn't feel so. sim has gone even before her and jack is lost for me forever. i think i have to deceit decieve, unfortunately.
i wouldn't promise noah and me are going fine for the rest of the days, but i start to think of giving it another try. yet i can't really force myself to forget and forgive, but talking to him and having him around helps it a lot. i can't believe, that i still love him that much.