the night after...

i found noah at the garden near the lake that borders on the property. i went down put my arms around him and let him talk about what happened and why he reacted the way he did. noah told me, he had a conversation with his father yesterday. aaron asked his son when he's supposed to stop all this fakes and when he thinks he will be done with trying out himself. he explainded noah that's one thing to have a coming out while being the head of a bank and therefor destroying the integrity and seriousity of his family's and his own name, but it's going much too far to be engaged with a man. he told noah that it makes him sad to see how he is playing on me, because his father liked me and didn't want his son to play on the feelings of someone else the way noah abvously does in his fathers eyes. he told him to think about his job and career as well as about the way people might look at his family now. to hear that felt like my stomach being punched with a strong cold fist. i never meant to do some trouble or make noahs family argueing with their son. i wished i would have stayed away from them and i wanted to dissapear in a sudden. i felt so horrorfully sad and i started to become angry with noahs dad. i told my man, but he denied. noah explained that his dad just still tries to protect him as he was a little boy and that he seems not to believe that his son turned out gay. before noah and me met, he only went out with girls and had relationships to them. he never appeared to be interessted in men so far to his fathers point of view. i remember the day noah told his mom about me and us and she answered that she feels great to see her son realising what he feels about men finally. in opposite to aaron, she doesn't seemed to be surprised. noah pointed out that it is still difficult for his father to except, but he's not willing to let him talk about his son or me or us the way he did. we stood there watching the sun go down the waterline and talked. noah made clear that it has nothing to do with me and it's something between him and his father so i better should not intercept in anyway. as he said: "it's not your business". so i truly sad decided to shut up and let them do whatever they feel is right. but at that point i decided not to see his family again for as long as i do force some trouble directly or indirectly.
for we have left the table without having had some food, his mother came out with a basket full of bread and stuff. she asked if we might have some supper out there on the tree-house, so we could come in whenever we feel like some later. she also offered to have some tea in the kitchen together. i looked at my man and asked what he'd prefer, but he just liftet his shoulders murmering: "don't know, don't mind, whatever". i took the basket and as rahel was out of sight i looked at my man telling him that i just can't stand this "don't-mind-attitude", because he pointed out that i didn't do anything wrong, so he better doesn't let me take the rap. i started getting angry with noah as he turned around and went to the tree-house without a word, just like: come or stay i don't mind eather. i was fed up with that situation, took the basked, went to the house, put it on the kitchen table where rahel sat with the tea and went to noahs room, after telling rahel i am to tired to have some tea. upstairs in noahs room i watched the light turning on at the tree-house and i sat down on the roof (there is no window-seat, but u can go out the window and sit on the house's roof) smoking a cigarette and waiting for whatever to happen. it took a while but noah came back to the house and into his room. as he sat down on the bed he asked me, if i'd be fine with leaving for he doesn't want to stay here some longer. his mom would be sad though, but he feels like noone is going to have a good time here as long as there's this sort of trouble between him and aaron. i told him that for me it would be fine leaving or staying as long as he is sure what he wants. i must confess i would love to stay and take the chance to end this argueing between them, if possible, because my experience shows that the longer you try to keep it down the heavier it all comes back to you. but i didn't tell him. it's his family and his decission. when he feels like leaving, we'll leave. i called a friend to help me get a flight back to NY the next day. noah told me he needs to make this out on his own and i surely let him, cause there's nothing i could on it as long as he doesn't want me to...
i hate argueing with my man and i hate even more to see him being sad and down, so i took him into my arms, trying to cheer him up just a bit. as i laid down on bed with him, noah started to kiss my neck and told me that he wants me, he needs me, now and i couldn't do anything, but love him. maybe two hours later i tried to get up to take a shower as he started to tempt and seduce me. well, it all ended up with us both on the floor in front of the bed, being unable to even move a bit, not to think about having a shower. we just put that off to next morning.