jack is jack is jack is...

well i don't know why i must think of jack right now, but i guess, it's because he was part of my life much more than most people ever will be. first thing that comes to my mind when it's about him right now is his smile. he's always been strange in his way of thinking and sort of a psycho-freak. i just can't believe he changed. i heard that his boyfriend justin made him react different. yas told me that it was a pleasure talking to jack, but i still have in mind what they both thought about each other a few month ego. and i can say it's all not been nice at all and that's at least the best i could say about it. i am really unsure what to think about it and how to react on that news. i decided not to react on it right now, because it's all changes about yas not me and jack and me didn't meet no more. something i have to respect and for me, whatever needed to be said and needed to be pointed out is gone. for i tried to talk to him and give both of us a chance to find a way... to whatever.. he told me there's no need for him to say anything and that he still feels the same for me, which is anger and hate and sorrow and so on and so far. not too good i guess. the point is i know exactly why he feels like this and he got all the right to do so, but there was sort of a hope, that he might come over it, specially now that he's with justin. for me i gave up hope and interest to find a way, because i really hated myself long enough and i paid for that mistake more than jack will ever now. i lost it all... the chance to have jack as a beautiful person and friend in my life and simeon, who is so heavily dissapointed about me as a person and the way i treat people in my closest. i don't want jack to see my loss and there's no need to ask his pitty, but i was longing for sort of a forgivness, which he can't give to me. it still makes me feel sad to see what i've done to him and his reaction on me for that and now i except faint and loss, but i can't hinder...
i really hope he's happy