some beautiful days

noah and me spend some great days last week. we went out for dinner, and playing some pool with isa and a day later with jesse, who's a good friend of jack.
a few days ago i felt quite horrorful and sad, but i didn't know why. it's been worse that many times before and i tried to calm myself down a bit and to handle all that loud emotions inside. that's when i started to cut myself a few times. i know it's not a solution, but for a while it really helps me to see myself a bit more clear and to ease all the anger and hate and despair. i tried not to show that to noah, but of course he found out. hiding it while living together doesn't really work. he asked himself and me, if it was about him and his fault, but it wasn't. i went to see my doctor the day after and he made some blood-test, which showed that the results were real bad. he reorganised my medication and the next i started to feel much better. it took about three days and now i feel real fine again. it's strange what wrong blood values are to be caused.
i got a letter from the norwegian military. i am reservist, therefore every few years i need to refresh what i was taught first time and to renew my abillities for worst case only. so they ordered me to come to norway (trondheim) at november 15th untill noon. i'm then going to do some practical training for 3 month.
as i told my man about it, he went quite for a while. a few minutes later i found out, that he has a different way of thinking about soldiers and war and that he is quite pacifistic. i must confess, me, i am too. there's no doubt that war will never be a solution for mankind's problems, but it's also a fact that there is war and that there might be one day the necessarity to protect the ones you love. this is my only attempt to go there. i pointed out that it's only a practice not having a role at the theatre of war.